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Islam encourages marriage and prohibits pre-marital and extra-marital relationships.
Islam is a holistic way of life. It takes into account all of humankind’s needs; spiritual, emotional and physical. Part of physical wellbeing includes sexual wellbeing and health. God created sex not only for procreation but to fulfil humankinds need for intimacy. Islam leaves no part of our lives unexplained and thus sexuality and intimacy are not topics that the Quran and the traditions of Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, shy away from or neglect.
Islam encourages marriage and has made it the only means
through which one can satisfy their sexual needs. There are well-known
consequences if a person engages in premarital relationships or behaves in a
promiscuous manner. These include unwanted pregnancies, the transmission of
sexually transmitted diseases, family breakdown in cases of adultery and
emotional difficulties arising from relationships without commitment. Islam is
aware of these complications and cautions the person who does not take the
matter seriously. Islam defines pre-marital and
extra-marital sexual relationships as great sins.
“Nor come closer to illicit sexual intimacy for it is a
shameful and immoral, opening the door (to other immorality).” (Quran 17:32)
When a man or woman is able to marry, they should be encouraged
and aided in their attempts to get married. Also when the intention has been
made clear, the couple should marry as quickly as possible to discourage any
temptation to fall into sin. Prophet Muhammad encouraged marriage however he encouraged
fasting for those who did not have the means to marry. He said: “Whoever among
you possesses the physical and financial resources to marry should do so,
because it helps one to guard their modesty, and whoever is unable to marry
should fast, as fasting diminishes one’s sexual desire.”[1]
God, in infinite wisdom guides us away from the potentially
destructive behaviour of pre-marital or extra-marital relationships and towards
behaviour that allows us to live God centred lives while enjoying the closeness
of a loving relationship. In fact God rewards us for intimacy with our lawful
partner. Prophet Muhammad told his companions that “In the sexual act of each
of you there is charity.” The Companions asked, “When one of us fulfils his
sexual desire, will he be given a reward for that?” And he said, “Do you not
think that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if
he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded.”[2]
Giving pleasure to one’s spouse is a highly rewarding
deed. Marriage itself is viewed in Islam as the longest, most continuous act of
worship a Muslim will perform in the course of their lives. It is a partnership
between two who seek to please God; thus, sexual intimacy between spouses is the
‘spark’ that strengthens this bond. As each person strives to fulfil the rights
and needs of the other, an affection and fondness is achieved. God stresses
that a person will find intimacy and comfort in a lawful union.
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives
from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between
you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who
reflect.” (Quran 30:21)
Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, was known as a
loving husband and a family man. He was known to speak frankly to his
companions, both men and women, when they asked him about matters of a sexual
nature. For example his responses to questions included such wise advice as, “None
of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; let their be a ‘messenger’
between you.” “And what is a messenger?” they asked, and he replied: “Kisses
and words.”[3]
Prophet Muhammad said: “If one of you says, when he
has intercourse with his wife: ‘I begin with the name of God, O God, keep Satan
away from me and keep Satan away from that which You bestow upon us,’ if it is
decreed that they should have a child, Satan will never harm him.”[4]
Prophet Muhammad was never embarrassed and strove to
provide clear and understandable answers about all sorts of subjects including
menstruation and orgasm. A woman once asked the Prophet if she needed to take
a bath after a wet dream to which he replied, “Yes, if she sees liquid.”[5]
God has ordained that our spouses be like our garments
and that the husband and wife protect each other and be close companions. However
marriage has many psychological, emotional and physical aspects to it and all
matters relating to physical, emotional and spiritual health must be addressed,
because all three areas are vital for the marriage to survive in a healthy way.
God has given permission for married couples to fulfil their desires in many
and varied ways and positions.
“Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when and
how you will, and put forth [righteousness] for yourselves. And fear God, and
know that you will (one day) meet Him…” (Quran 2:223)
The Quran and the traditions of Prophet Muhammad also
educate and advise us of any prohibitions within the confines of marriage. It
is taken and understood from the above verse of the Quran that within a
marriage both the man and woman have the right to enjoy each other’s bodies and
intimate companionship however they must avoid having sex when the woman is
menstruating or bleeding after childbirth and they must never engage in anal
sex.
In part 2 we will look at prohibitions in the bedroom
and discuss sex education and its ability to teach children healthy Islamic
attitudes towards marriage, sex and body image.
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